Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Who put my cat in the fridge?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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