He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
