I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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