her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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