don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
