I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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