did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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