i think my tv is drunk
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
