i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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