toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize