i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
