At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I enjoy the company of your penis
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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