i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
