Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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