this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I forget how to act sober
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