using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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