what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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