Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
