i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
