R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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