so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You can't motorboat a personality
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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