he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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