This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
