I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
