I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
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She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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