And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
