you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize