you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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