matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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