I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
