And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
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Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
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We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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