i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
