either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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