i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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