I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize