Yo dont text me then not text me
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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