i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
God I need to hump something, right now.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
