I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize