i may or may not be watching the land before time
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"