This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other