im six kinds of drunk right now
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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