that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
