I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
