woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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