What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
do nipples grow back?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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