i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
