I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?