you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major