she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.