Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?