I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
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he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
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Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls