just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops