Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
