If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
