my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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