I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
