hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
