Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
