In the future we'll all be gay
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
porn star boner night. come get it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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