Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
