call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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