this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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