oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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