I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
