I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
