You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I would fuck him just for his dog
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
