in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
