Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Randomize
