I'm so fucking centered right now
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
